Obituary of Thomas Spitzmueller

I took the photo above of Thom during our visit to The Vatican. In it he’s annoyed with me because he wants me to stop taking so many pictures and just come on. This is him giving me “The Look.” *** My marriage to Thom was truly a gift from God. Those who knew him—and even those who only briefly crossed his path—understand the profound loss we all feel at the passing of such a remarkable man. As someone shared with me this week, “Loss hurts because of love, and love is always worth it.” Thom was a person of very deep faith. He didn’t speak much about it—he simply lived it. His trust in God shaped the way he lived, the way he loved, and the way he treated others. His faith wasn’t just something he talked about, but something he embodied every day—with kindness, patience, and integrity. Being with him strengthened my own faith and brought a spiritual richness to our marriage. Thom was also a polyglot—he knew Latin, Greek, Italian, Hebrew, French, German, and, of course, English. He also understood Spanish. Thom taught me how to recite the Lord’s Prayer in German, and helped me with my pronunciation by having me read the Gospel each night in German. That became our nightly prayer routine—a practice that brought us even closer, blending faith, learning, and love. Long before we met, I asked God to bring me a man with certain qualities—traits I had once written down in my Bible and then forgotten. We met as lecturers at a small private college. After Thom and I got engaged, I found that list again and realized he had checked every single box. On our wedding day, I told my mother, “I feel like Cinderella.” As we stood at the altar, I remember thinking, “This is happening to me.” My grandmother used to say the first year of marriage is an adjustment. For us, that adjustment lasted several years. During those early, sometimes tumultuous times, whenever I was upset, Thom’s calmness and patience always steadied me and gently taught me by example. I found it impossible to stay angry for long; his presence was a source of comfort and peace. Thom was my prince sent from heaven. His love shone so naturally, soothing my spirit and transforming how I saw our relationship. In the beginning, gifts and flowers on special occasions were important to me. But as time went on, Thom expressed his love in deeper, lasting ways—nursing me through surgeries and chemo treatments. When I had cancer, Thom would hold me in his arms and kiss my bald head. In those moments, I realized what truly mattered in a partner. I remember asking myself: Would I rather have a man who offers grand gestures but is otherwise inconsiderate, or someone who, like Thom, is kind, patient, and truly present every day? Thom made me laugh, encouraged my dreams, celebrated my successes, and made me feel genuinely safe, deeply loved, and cherished. Eventually, we stopped exchanging gifts during the holidays—not because we stopped caring, but because we realized that our marriage itself was the greatest gift we could give one another. Of course, we had our differences—especially when it came to health care. Thom avoided doctors, while I was vigilant about my health. Living with him taught me what it truly means to feel valued and appreciated, and to love someone enough to let them be who they are, even when it is very difficult. My marriage to Thom made me a better person—spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Thom, thank you for your patience, your kindness, and your unwavering love. You were always protective, always trustworthy. Your love never failed. Our marriage was the greatest blessing God has ever given me. I will carry your love with me, always.